Twilight: White House Saga

Paul: The president bit my neck at the holiday party last night. Twice!
Reese: Wait, Obama?! OMG that's so cool!

I guess you could look at it that way

[during a road trip over the summer]

reese: don't make me laugh while I'm drinking driving. That's just irresponsible.

Stay classy, San Diego.

reese: when you burp it up, it's like eating again.

..haha...

that's why I don't have a boyfriend.

Hahaha. omg I just drooled.

The Artist

victor: (looking at a balloon with a cartoon monkey face) that is one nice monkey

reesa: ya i am really good at drawing monkeys

reesa: and nothing else. that is it.

Now that that's settled...

reese: creep.
c: funny. That's what Tony calls me.
reese: Hm. Lightbulb should be going off in ur creepy little brain.
c: hey. At least I'm an adorable, funny creep. Not many creeps can say that.
reese: I'll give you that. i'm just a lady.
c: A vulgar, dirty lady. Not many ladies can say THAT.
Reese: yes, that is true. In any case, we are awesome.

Low-fat and still satisfying!

c: I want sushi.
reese: Mmm sushi. I'm gonna eat my arm.

Okaaayy....

c: yeah I'm so out of it.
reese: me neither.
*huh?*

A real friend regurgitates: vol. 2

c: you're gonna be jealous of the meal I just had.
reese: spit it out.

A real friend regurgitates: vol. 1

c: (annoyed at the delicious photo of food that was sent to me) WTF are you guys eating?
reese: Baby so much yumminess. By accident. Ill throw it up in ur mouth later.

Off you go!

[in reaction to Tony being mean]

reese: I'm gonna wrap his little ass up and mail him in a ups box to where he belongs in mexico

More than a friend...

Reese: He's not even a friend. He's a retard.

a new superhero?

reese: I am f'in magificently retarded. Call me the great Magnotard!

I don't even know her

Friend in car: Reese, do you like to read?

Reese: Who's Tereid?

How to get away with murder: Lesson 1

Reese: Yeah I wud suggest putting honey in her body lotion or bug repellent so a bear eats her. It'll look like an accident.

Fat bastard

Reese: Oh my god, I just drooled a little on my keyboard after typing cheeseburger. WTF. I have no other comment on this as I am so disgusted with myself I cannot put words to my feelings.