Si Se Puede!

reese: I'm not voting. I am only one person and I cannot make a difference

Shoot the puck in the fieldgoal!

reese: Oh wait, we are gonna watch sports and shit?  Wait wait wait. Not feeling comfortable anymore...not sure what to do...freaking out... 

This merits further explanation, I'm sure

Reese: I'm so not in the loop.  Thats cause I have zombie rabies. UUGGHHHH.

Mexi-can't

-On going out for cinco de mayo...

reese: I love Mexicans so I will be there in bright colors to support my peoples and drink tequila while riding my donkey.
Wait, is Cinco de Mayo a Mexican thing? Well, whatevs. Count me in.

Ringling Brothers, Reesnum and Reesley's Circus.

reese: there’s no room for TWO dancing monkeys. and I’ve already got the job.

-On why we can't let Bob into our circle of friends. (names have been changed to protect the feelings of certain individuals)

One person's happiness is another person's disease.

reesa: being at this wedding is worse than getting aids.

birthday

victor: so today is my birthday

reesa: OMG hunny i'll be right there with your cake...

(i took this semi-seriously)
(i did not hear from or see reesa for the entire day, and im pretty sure that she was on vacation for the next few days)

estupido.

reese: how do you spell por favor?
c: you just spelled it.
reese: oh.

it'd be weirder if she followed through with the threat.

reese: I feel weird for having to issue an email apology for threatening to choke someone to death this morning.

starbux?

victor: going to starbux
want?

:: a few moments later::

reesa: Yes, but I feel as though it may be too late....

haunted house

reese: I need you guys in my haunted house. I kicked out two older volunteers that I can't curse in front of.

victor: ok. that's cool

??? wtf

reese: I loved Boston when I went. You know what, its a great place for beer lovers. I remember alot of breweries. Wait, no I just combined memories from DC and Boston.

victor: ok

is that even possible?

reese: i'm gonna take a quick shower. should take me 30 min. unless i drown.

random email with reesa

victor: these are a few of my favorite things:

pumpkins
mustaches
melba toast

reesa: these are a few of my least favorite things:

wild boars
macadamia nuts
gangrene

dirty girls

reese: are you gonna shower or are you gonna turn me on...make up your mind.

-she said to Danielle...

we owe them big, fat time....

reese: Fat girls really piss me off but without them we wouldn't be as hot.

Hanes (not) Her Way.

on not having done laundry before our trip to Nicaragua:

reesa: damn it. i'll grow out my pubes. it's nature's underwear
c: that's really fucking gross.
reesa: so u think god and his creations are gross?

blasphemous s.o.b.'s we are....well...S.O.G., in her case.

a conversation about overzealous religious people:

reese: these jokes during passion week are a quick way to get into hell
jo: gosh, and easter's this sunday
reese: yup good work my friend
jo: thanks
reese: we shall keep digging that hole deeper and deeper
jo: it's a deep burn
reese: until god leads me to the burning bush and says STOP DUMB ASS

come again?

reese: i had up-mauve and egg curry. so yum.
cc: Up-mauve? It sounds like it tastes like a crayon.

brainwashing the world, one baby at a time

reesa: baby just smiled from ear to ear after seeing a pic of your dumb ass. memory's a bitch. i'm gonna show her terrifying images back to back with urs so she associates u to evil.

isn't that always how it happens?

in regard to relationships:

reese: well, ya know... convenience + boredom = boyfriend

whoops.

reese: ...i'm gonna come anyway.
c: that's what she said.
reese: haha... oh wait. that also made me horny by accident.

There's our happy little optimist...

"n": you're totally a closet hope feeling, faith-believer.
reese: How dare you.

unexplainable....

reese: monogamy is only fun when you cheat

roses really smell like poo poo poo....

"fuck that. I wont look like some spring turd this season"

on her new look of wanting to wear black all the time, and declared she will never wear yellow during the spring time because it's gay and she will look like a flower...

vomit's always in season...

looking at an ugly dress at TJ Maxx

reese: it's like throw up...on a hanger

a.k.a. reesa on a hot, humid day.

reese: gonna carve out my stomach and then kick someone's ass
preferably someone who is wearing brown and black together, i fuckin hate that
oh no, scratch that, someone with frizzy hair

well, everyone likes bewbies.

reesa: i'm going to explain to him that he has turned me into a lesbian
thats gotta be a hit to a mans ego

As opposed to aiming slightly to the left...

Reesa: its like god shitting directly on ur head

I swear, she likes me sometimes.

Holy shit. I forgot I beat the shit out of you as a good bye. That's so stupid and cute.

-regarding the time she gave me a black eye after a nice weekend of bliss.

Bored to death...

on a conversation about Death knocking at our doors:

reese: like hey lets grab a drink first then we can take me to hell

and on Death's mode of transportation:

reese: hey, heres my canoe... just jump in, be careful, it leans over when u hit a wave oh this river, its just the river of death

just call her jack.

reese: my new plan is to be a jack of all trades. but a master of nothing.

About this thing....

In an effort to document the raucous hilarity that spews out of Reesa Abraham's mouth, Cristine a.k.a. CC, and I a.ka. Jo, had this genius idea to start TextsfromReesa.com.

Here we'd like to use this as a forum for those who are in touch with this woman on a day to day basis and want to share the words of wisdom, cringing curses, 'mind-bottling' outbursts (yes, mind-bottling...You know, when things are so crazy it gets your thoughts all trapped, like in a bottle?), hilarious jokes, and just pure, fun, love from our dear friend.

Whether they're via texts, G-chats, phone convos, or in-person, we want to get them all on here so we can show her how Down, yet intelligent she can be sometimes.

Feel free to share with us your Reesa moments at textsfromreesa@gmail.com, or leave them in the Comments section on any of our posts.

NOTE: We're all doing this on the down low, and want to give it to her on her birthday - so PLEASE be slick and smooth when sharing with us.

One love all,

Jo and CC